back to Isaiah

Well, II Timothy basically wrapped itself up and now I have need to look elsewhere. I remembered that I hadn't finished Isaiah so I decided to take a peek at it to see if I wanted to return. Isaiah 40 was a good read. More importantly I found myself emotionally engaged while reading it. I identified with parts, I reacted negatively, even bordering on challenging God in a couple parts, and I wondered (this is the most important emotion) at my God. I found myself confused by him and I found myself wanting to know him better so that I could understand a chapter like this one.

I like theater and so I am going to go off on a longish analogy here for a second. For me, I think that God has seemed to be a bit like Jean Valjean in Les Miserables. Specifically I mean how he related to Fontaine at the beginning of the story. He is a big important man. He is the mayor, in addition to running a factory. There is a moment where he is there for a fight between a Fontaine and another worker. Valjean leaves the issue to be solved by a subordinate and Fontaine ends up being unjustly fired from her job which sends her into a horrible downward spiral where she finally ends up as a prostitute and then eventually dies from exposure. Valjean reconnects with her toward the end and takes compassion on her. She initially hates him, thinking that it is his fault she has been forced down this path. Once he finds out about her though, he does all he can to take care of her. He loves her. In my own messed up mind I have put God into this sort of place because it allows him to be good and loving, yet not aware of my problems. My job is to somehow find the ear of God. He is distant, he'd help me if he knew what was going on. The truth lies so near the surface it can't be hidden though, and those who read this must by now be getting tired of being a spectator as I learn the same lesson over and over. I could translate my impression of God simply as this: If he knew about where I was and genuinely loved me, he would give me the earthly comfort I desire. Such garbage. When will I begin to live what I have been learning?

This has all come to mind because of Isaiah 40. The picture of God there at first seems contradicting. I read about how God loves, he rescues, he comforts. Then I also read that man is just grass, it withers in a day and is gone. Here are some examples:

"1  Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. 2  Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and cry to her that her warfare is ended, that her iniquity is pardoned, that she has received from the Lord's hand double for all her sins."

15  Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket, and are accounted as the dust on the scales; behold, he takes up the coastlands like fine dust. 16  Lebanon would not suffice for fuel, nor are its beasts enough for a burnt offering. 17  All the nations are as nothing before him, they are accounted by him as less than nothing and emptiness."

11  He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young."

22  It is he who sits above the circle of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers; who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, and spreads them like a tent to dwell in; 23  who brings princes to nothing, and makes the rulers of the earth as emptiness. 24  Scarcely are they planted, scarcely sown, scarcely has their stem taken root in the earth, when he blows on them, and they wither, and the tempest carries them off like stubble. 

It seems in some way to be contradictory. Am I a lamb that will be tenderly cared for or a grasshopper that will be annihilated without a second thought? A son, or a "drop from a bucket"? The truth I think lies in the reality of relationship with God. "The Lord knows those who are his." This is what I must live out. This is the truth I must adapt to. If I want to be treated as a son, I must look on him, seek him as a Father. If God has seemed at a distance then I have put him there. My heart is coming to know and understand that a real relationship where I serve my God unquestioningly will result in the death of my will and my planning. I am scared of that. I am resisting that. I desperately want to serve God on my own terms. My first thought as I wrote that was "Basically everyone else gets to!) I cannot use such methods to measure myself. I don't know the hearts of others and even if I were right the truth is that I will stand in the end before God and I doubt that such an excuse would be worth the breath used to utter it. 

I know this God. He is my Savior. He is constantly calling me to a life worth living. He is offering Purpose and Joy. Peace and Contentment. Hope and Love. Regardless of my physical state. In my mind the solutions are earthly. A high end job offer, a check in the mail, a gas well in my back yard. Those are not the solutions of God. They would provide only earthly comfort. They are empty and expose that my heart is still set on self. The truth is that I must desire HIS best. And I must desire to advance HIS kingdom. This is an incredible life change. God is not a distant power unaware of me. I cannot say "if God knew" or "if God understood", because he does. I must change, not God. I must come to know Him. I must come to understand the ramifications of the truth. My life must seek his best. I must become a part of "the Way". For this change is THE CHANGE that made their "way" of living in the early church so different. I am not truly a part of "The Way" at present. At best I am a part of "the belief system". "The Way" sounds better. God continue to soften my heart and bend it to yours.